02.18.2002 - 3:54 p.m.

A conversation with a friend. Names have been withheld to protect the diarist, the innocent, and especially the stupid:

friend: I don�t want to hurt her. I don�t understand why she�s still after me. I made it absolutely clear there was nothing there. I even said, �You realize this is just a one-night stand,� and she said, �Yes.� What else was I supposed to do?

stonebridge: Dear, were you naked?

friend: No. er, not where it counts.

stonebridge: Was she naked?

friend: um, not all the way.

stonebridge: And were you horizontal?

friend: yeeahhh�

stonebridge: You do realize that when she said yes, she meant, �Yes, I understand that this is what I have to say in order to continue this process,� don�t you?

friend: (whines into his hands)

I could spin that conversation in all sorts of different directions, but I�ve been trying to cut down on the male-bashing lately.

I want to know why we try so hard not to hurt people, but try the hardest in the space between previous action and future consequence, when it�s already too late. Why want is the easiest thing to feel, yet the hardest thing to truly fix. How to think so that the easier way is also the right one. My friend wanted advice, an answer, and I had none. Oh, I told him how I�d go about telling her, and I told him some of the things I do when I�m feeling a little too disconnected, things that maybe aren�t as exciting, but that don�t leave you as empty as a stand. Slapped a big fat Snoopy-and-Woodstock bandaid on everything I could reach. But I think what he really wanted to know was how to be happy.

I�ve been happy. I know what it feels like, and something about how I got there. I even think I know a little about why he�s not. I just couldn�t tell him, not in a way that would have helped at all. Like him, I have blind spots in most of the places that matter.

If I ever meet a god, I plan to ask about that.

-stonebridge

Top Ten

previous | next