05.02.2002 - 5:14 p.m.

The News in Brief:

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Last night I dreamed about tornados again, a sky full of them, coming towards my apartment. They were beautiful. They destroyed everything. I was not afraid, was almost joyful, even when the contents of my room flew out of my window. This seems to have replaced my old recurring dream, which involved tsunamis.

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A few minutes ago I stepped outside to see if the storm was here yet. I don�t have any windows, but I find that I can nearly always feel the difference in the air, or at least in the people who pass my door. I like discovering subtle leftovers of animal intelligence. They make me feel less�mechanical.

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Lately I�ve been trying too hard to be more than I am, thinking too hard about the impressions I want to make on people. As a result, I�ve been spending a lot of time kicking myself for flubbing conversation lines�all while some deeper, more intelligent part of myself kicks me for inventing the lines in the first place. It feels like hell. I swear I outgrew this phase when I was twelve. And when I was seventeen, too.

�and twenty-one�

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Today was the third day in a row that I went to bed too damn late�and in two more hours I�ll be getting started on the grand total of 28 hours I will spend in cars this weekend. Hopefully the sky will refrain from snowing (like it did last time), and the cops between here and Michigan will decide they have better things to do than pull me over (like they did last time.)

I was hardly even speeding.

-stonebridge

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