08.05.2002 - 12:46 p.m.

How to pretend you are not scared of strangers (I�ve been practicing):

Introduce yourself around. You can hang on to the people you know for a certain length of time, but once you get your bearings it�s time to wander off on your own. If you stay with one person the whole time, you will only meet the people they want to talk to; on your own, each person you manage to talk to is a chance to meet all the other people they know, too. Your statistical chances of meeting someone absolutely wonderful improve dramatically.

Divide and conquer. It can be hard to work yourself into a group conversation, so find a smaller group around a dartboard or pool table, a few people clustered by the cooler or the food. Find your fellow quiet people tucked in the various corners and backwaters of the space, and be the person who lets them feel social too.

Memorize names. This is important for two reasons: 1) remembering a person�s name shows that you cared about them and makes them like you more, and 2) collecting names can be another excuse to introduce yourself. (�Hey, I�m ______. I know Bob and Carol now, but I haven�t met you yet...�)

Laugh. Among socially adept people, laughter seems to be a sort of code for belonging; people who laugh are automatically assumed to be a functioning member of the group. Talking can work this way too, but it�s often harder to decide what to say. So laugh. Unless, of course, you sound like a donkey on crack, but even then, you should at least smile.

Get drunk. Not Drunk, just drunk. Have a few, notice how you act without so many inhibitions, then let it wear off. Be selective about which inhibitions you let back up.

And that�s how to survive�and even enjoy�large gatherings of people.

Of course, an easier way to socialize is to tape a sign to your forehead that says, �Shy. Please talk to me anyway,� but that not only looks ridiculous�it�s also cheating.

-stonebridge

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