01.04.2005 - 3:35 p.m.

Over lunch I take the cat to the vet. It�s always such a sad process�the terrified cries from her box in the car, the way her eyes become her entire face�she always fights me when I go to pull her out of the carrier, not willing to hurt me but literally digging furrows into the plastic as she goes, silently. Without hope. When the vet lets go of her she crawls to press her head against the closed door, huddling as close as she can, her tail curled tightly beneath her. You can get her to stand still on the scale that way, by putting it right next to the carrier. We wait together for the vet to come back with the verdict, me slouching against the wall, her burrowed into the space between my coat and my back. She is black and white, just like an ostrich. My turtleneck has become a fur coat.

The vet techs all remark at how good she has been, how pretty she is, and I say the proper things in return, not mentioning that what they are seeing is not actually my cat. My cat is happy and active and will not stop purring even when you are trying. to. sleep. This one is only being good because she is too miserable to fight us.

It turns out her anal glands are infected again, only worse than last time�this time her colon is affected too. I am not entirely surprised at the diagnosis, since the smell of impacted feline anal glands is not easily forgotten. She�ll be drinking chalky stuff out of a syringe for the next two weeks, after which she will need a checkup to make sure the glands are healed and working properly. If they�re not, it will be more drugs and eventually maybe surgery to take the glands out.

I know she will be fine�the drugs have worked before, and she is easy to subdue for medication. It is just hard to know that from her perspective, none of this is necessary evil. It is just evil, and her human is the one doing it.

-stonebridge

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