03.26.2007 - 10:35 a.m.

This weekend, I took the weight of the world and laid it down by the side of the road. Somewhere in New Jersey, I think. Or maybe it was in New York, near that pizzeria with the fantastic people-watching windows. Or that night, the party winding down, talking off the end of the alcohol. No truth hurts at four in the morning. You can just say it.

You can just hear it.

I�m not nauseous anymore. I�m not biting my nails. I�m not calling myself bad names in my head. I�m not even calling myself bad names out loud, not even in the car or the shower.

I�m still not sure I�m going to pull this week off, but I�m at peace with the process. People are coming out of the woodwork to help me, and it�s not nearly so painful to say I need the help now that I�ve given up world-supporting. This is just about being human. Gods create on their own. Humans cooperate. This is the natural way of things.

I know that fact�my being human�will always make me cringe, just a little. I keep trying to be so much more. I keep forgetting that being human is the bigger thing, not the being perfect.

Please, every so often, remind me that I don�t have to be drunk to let people in. And if I don�t believe you, get me a beer and remind me again. Every aspect of this life leaves some things unspoken, but those things should be few, and memory-sweet. Nobody who loves me will ever find me wanting. I don�t have to hide my weaknesses from them. My mistakes are not my real self, and they know it.

So much better than I do.

-stonebridge

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