03.28.2007 - 10:35 a.m.

You want to know a secret? I�ve kept it for years and years, sometimes even from myself. So you can�t tell anyone I told you. Promise? Pinky swear? Okay. Here it is:

I like mornings.

I do. I like the thin quality of the light, the freshness of the air, the sense of hours stretching and stretching between myself and the end of the day. I like being more awake than my cats, and I like the knowledge that the previous day, far from bleeding its failures into the future, is a part of my past, now. Part of my growing experience, successfully completed.

I�m still nervous about my projects. I still don�t know if they�ll succeed or flop. This is still a hard, hard week. But the mere fact of difficulty isn�t a failure. My worry is not integral to my being, it�s just a thing my being does. I�ve been preventing things from being hard for a while now�avoiding obligations, wiggling out of responsibilities, escaping, escaping, escaping.

Living that way is worse than stressful. It�s boring. I don�t think there�s anything more terrible than being bored with your own life.

Well. Maybe some things. But nothing that doesn't leave a scar.

-stonebridge

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