11.13.2001 - 8:10 p.m.

My life is too full. I want to go back to college and spend my days napping and sitting in the campus center for several hours longer than it takes to eat an actual meal.

Hmm. I always start by saying something like that. There will be no more complaining in this entry.

I started a diet this weekend. This is news because I've been morally against dieting for quite some time. Sunday was my first time on a scale in a good five years. Because before that, I used to watch my weight really carefully. And I really mean watch it. It would go up and I would watch. Every so often I'd have a nice little guilt-fest about it. But this weekend it occurred to me that if I watched what I ate before I ate it, instead of after I'd already eaten and stored it as fat, the whole diet thing might work a little better. So I started on Sunday. I'm planning to be back in my size 12's by New Years.

I was complaining earlier today that I always feel like I should be doing something other than whatever I'm doing. Something better. More Productive. A friend of mine told me not to worry; that it meant I was normal. Unfortunately, I'm not satisfied with normal, not if it means I have to be less happy. Not worth it.

Because I was thinking, what is it that I really ought to be doing? What action would I believe really is the best and most productive use of my time? And I couldn't think of a single thing that would be good enough.

You see, guilt is an invented emotion. It's only as necessary as you allow it to be. Kinda like a cell phone.

I guess that's about enough chicken soup for one day.

-stonebridge

previous | next