07.07.2003 - 1:29 p.m.

The following is version 8.02 of a conversation I practiced in my head for several days, from the time I found out my family would be visiting until the moment they showed up. I never actually needed to use it, which I think I knew beforehand, but it seemed like a good idea to be prepared, just in case:

me: �Okay, so I should warn you that I�m kind of nervous about introducing you to my parents. Could I ask you, you know, to be on your best behavior?�

him: �And by �best behavior,� you mean what, exactly?�

�I mean please don�t embarrass me, and for God�s sake don�t tell them the story about Jeb and the bathroom.�

�Can I snot-rocket?�

�No.�

�Fart?�

�No.�

�What if I need to?�

(stare of death)

�Okay, okay, quit looking at me like that. How about molesting you? I can spank you, right?�

�Not. In front. Of my parents.�

�Can I��

�NO, and get your hand out of there!�

�Why are you dating me, again?�

�Apparently my life is too bland without you in it.�

Reality version 1.0 went something like this:

me: "So, aside from your complaining, on a scale of one to ten, how scared are you about meeting my parents?"

him: "If one is perfectly fine and ten is terrified, around two, maybe three?"

"Oh good. That's about where I am too. I think."

"Don't worry. I'm good with parents."

And he was.

-stonebridge

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