02.09.2004 - 5:04 p.m.

Richard Feynman was a famous physicist who worked on the Manhattan Project, as well as some other important stuff. But when he was in school, he did a dissertation on dreams. More specifically, he did a self-study on his own dreams, which involved sleeping a lot, paying attention, and then writing when he woke up. He noticed a lot of interesting things, but most of all what he noticed was that it was impossible to scientifically study your own mental processes, as your own mental processes will get in the way.

I read that in a book years ago. It came to mind the other night, while I was lying in bed, thinking about how I wasn�t falling asleep. It came to mind that most of the things I know about myself are probably not that accurate. They�re true enough, maybe, but the real reasons for them are probably deeper than what I can see. A theory that explains 90% of test cases is still at least 10% wrong, probably more. There are all those correlations that look right, but are really about something else.

I am getting better at answering the question, �What are you thinking?� without saying �Nothing.� Sometimes my answer is even the truth, but still, so much of my life is a mystery to me. For instance, I�ve no idea at all why I cry when I have to say something important, or why I�ve got to know everything. I can�t help but think that those dark places must be self-inflicted.

-stonebridge

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