05.03.2004 - 12:07 p.m.

I�m house- and cat-sitting with the boyfriend this week. The owners had us over for dinner last Wednesday, so they could meet the people they�d be entrusting their cats to. I guess they were just more comfortable with the idea of a couple, or something. And although I've seen him every day or so, I haven't been alone with the boyfriend since last week, so all this week, I�ll be making the boyfriend�s fifty-minute commute in reverse and feeding my own cat on the fly.

It�s a beautiful house, full of wood, a little bar, and a fantastic kitchen. It has a well-manicured lawn with a grill and a screened-in porch. It even has a shelf of vintage toy cars I could imagine the boyfriend putting in his own house someday. Last night I parked in the driveway right behind the boyfriend�s pickup, which I never do as the driveway where he lives belongs to other people. My apartment doesn�t even have one. Walking up to the door, I would have felt almost marital if I hadn�t been lugging a bag packed with toiletries and a week�s worth of clothes.

And he was telling me over macaroni how his dad has been asking about his �plans for the future,� and I held my breath until he said he�d answered that this was a slow thing, only a year old, and we weren�t ready. You see, if he asked tomorrow, I would most likely say yes. I would then board the first international flight I could find and end up having a panic attack at the baggage claim in Budapest.

So almost marital, but not really. Luckily it is quite obviously a stranger�s too-settled, too-clean house.

Also this week, an old friend of mine has been asked for a divorce. I found out when I checked my email this morning, and got a short note thanking me for attending the wedding, for supporting him, and apologizing for hiding the problems when he visited me several months ago. And as usual when hard things happen to others, I don�t know how to answer this. I�m sorry? (I am) It�ll be for the best? (several years from now) Let me know if there�s anything I can do? (there�s not.) It�s even harder that he�s not someone I talk to or think about often; we grew up together, yes, but then we grew apart, and except for the one visit, have not talked in seven years.

I�ll come up with something before leaving today, but for now, I have to get some work done while thinking about how his mother�s going to be full of I-told-you-so, and where he�s going to live, and whether I still have that voicemail saved, because if I do, I could call him. Divorce consolation attempts seem a little big to hang on an email, and this is a great part of the reason it's so hard to write them.

In any case, it is a sobering note on which to start a week of playing house.

-stonebridge

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