05.18.2004 - 4:42 p.m.

Some thoughts I�ve been storing up:

--I�ve been cleaning my room in spurts all week: laundry and closet, vacuuming, surfaces, dusting, paperwork, fishtank�I still have some Tupperware to clean and some mailing to do, but mostly, it is such a beautiful, peaceful space now. It�s so funny how I can go through a stressful time like this last month had been, having too much to do at work and being surrounded by crap at home, feeling so down and out of control, so funny that it never occurs to me that making a mess does not, in fact, let off any steam. It tightens the lid. Did you know that walking without tripping on a book or a knitting bag is good for you? That knowing something black is growing in that old Wendy�s cup, knowing you haven�t seen your fish since the green covered the front face of the tank, causes a great deal of back-burner stress? I�d forgotten, at least until I finished cleaning and felt like I�d just had an eighteen-inch haircut, or something. Must remember next stress season that the little things count, too.

--I cried this weekend. In the shower, because that is the safest way to do it, somewhere where there is all that warm water to spruce up the face again. Then I walked out of the shower into the living room and completely betrayed all that secretive preparation with a five-minute snotfest. (And it�s okay, this is an old note. But someday? I swear someday I�ll learn to just talk, before the worries have congealed thickly enough to need salt water to dissolve.)

--It�s been at least a week now, or maybe a little longer, since they pulled down all the trees across the street from my complex. Certainly they�ve been at it longer, starting farther away from the road, there�ve been trucks and wood-chippers and surveyors around for months. It�s sad, but mostly shocking, to need to remember my sunglasses on my way out of my complex instead of being able to wait until the left turn at the end of that road.

--They are really offering me a new contract at work, and the raise will really be enough for rent. I am buying an iPod. I am signing up for night classes. Well, first I need to hit the dentist.

-stonebridge

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