02.15.2005 - 12:02 p.m.

I celebrated Valentine�s Day by missing the hell out of him. First there was date confusion and my mother�s birthday to screw up the hotel reservation we�d made. Then I spent the second half of yesterday driving a number of college poets up to DC for a dinner/reading. Got back to the college at ten-thirty. Finished the running around to turn the car back in around eleven fifteen. Went home to feed and medicate the cat, and by the time I had enough of the chalky white stuff inside the actual cat, Valentine�s Day was only a memory.

I can�t pretend I didn�t hope he would be waiting at my place when I got there, that my shower head would be magically fixed, or that there would be flowers or a text message. But I don�t believe that Valentine�s is entirely the guy�s job, and I�m not sure that I care about it as a date�It is important to recognize the relationships in your life, and especially to remember the kind of work they need to stay healthy. February fourteenth is just a convenient day to do it. To me, it is not about stuffed bears with plush hearts, canned sentiment on a card, going somewhere fabulous or going out at all�it is about doing something little that says, �Hi, you matter to me.�

Neither of us did that. Unless you count me calling him at midnight, waking him up to say �good night.�

I like that I didn�t need any particular to-do to know he loves me. I didn�t feel owed a holiday for putting up with him, or for the last stupid thing he said, or for anything, the way I have with certain previous boyfriends. His presence in my life remains one of the best things I have.

I am hoping, however, that he will fix my shower soon.

-stonebridge

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