08.30.2006 - 9:27 a.m.

Yesterday was awful.

My thoughts were swimming through my neurons at the speed of glue. I was up at 7:00 that morning, working by 7:30. I might have left work around 6:00, but I went straight from there through a thunderstorm to the grocery store, where I picked up the missing burrito ingredients (shells, sour cream, salsa) and proceeded to the express lane checkout. Where the power blinked every time I swiped my credit card.

Then I came home, and was almost relaxed before I had to figure out a bunch of tax information for 2006 so we could wrap our heads around the fact that we are not offering on the home we saw this weekend, or on any home like it. Oh, and my mom called about wedding crap I don't want to deal with.

I recognized the plodding numbness that filled me. It's from senior year, maybe--that sense of miles to go before I sleep. The sense that none of them will be remotely entertaining or voluntary, but that they all must be done. It was evidence, however faint, of a returned work ethic, so in that sense at least, it was progress; in everything else it was misery. I am still colored in its despair now, in the light of morning.

I stayed up late out of stubborn determination to have just a few minutes of fun, relaxation, or at the very least, peace. Woke up early this morning for the same reason.

One of these days, I'll feel better than I did the day before.

-stonebridge

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