11.05.2007 - 9:49 a.m.

Couch to 5k.

I am going to do this. I know because I packed a bag of gym clothes this morning, though I have to buy shorts at the school store, seeing as I bought my last pair in 1998, when I was size 10, and even if I knew where they were, they just wouldn�t be comfy anymore. At 185 lbs, I�m a ways beyond there.

Size 10 would be nice to revisit. Which isn�t to say that I don�t like my body now�it�s curvy and soft and still strong underneath�it�s just that I�ve never felt as good as I did back then. And back then, I had no clue what I could do with a body like that. This time around, I have some ideas.

I don�t even care about size 10, really. I care about a picture my friends showed me this weekend, of the bunch of us getting ready for a night out, and how I am wearing a borrowed dress, leaning over against a counter behind the others, my biceps flexed, no chicken cutlet lump between my breast and my armpit, the lines in my neck vertical rather than horizontal, my chin sharp and clean.

And back then, I was dealing with depression and a soul-sucking relationship, but I can�t help but remember how it would all fall away when I walked onto a volleyball court or an ultimate Frisbee field, or how, while it may have been difficult to face waking up at times, there was nothing so wonderful as that first stretch the day after working out.

I also remember eating chocolate cake, two slices with every dinner, and still losing weight. I�ve no illusions that that will ever happen again; I am just saying.

-stonebridge

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