03.24.2008 - 1:02 p.m.

A friend told me once that I'd make a good soldier.

I think, after this week, I disagree. What we'd been talking about was the way I think in a crisis, my brain honing in on the central, immediate needs, action and more action, saving the emotional crap for later. And it's true, that part of me would make an excellent soldier.

But, as we all know, war is an awful lot of boredom, only lightly seasoned with the stark terror. I would suck at the boredom part. Because in a situation where I'm in trouble, but must wait and see, I'm a wreck. I can't *think,* I can't *process,* I can only stare into space, utterly still, while inside I flutter and dither around, helplessly and counterproductively.

I would not be one of those soldiers who could play cards in a foxhole while being shot at, is what I'm saying. I'd be the one who, in the absence of immediate evidence that someone was trying to kill me, would become certain I had scurvy and that my skin was about to slough off.

Also, am driving my husband's car every day now. My left foot flailed for the non-existent clutch twice in ten miles.

So, can handle self in crisis: check.
Can handle self while stressed: needs improvement.

-stonebridge

previous | next