09.25.2003 - 2:49 p.m.

There�s this computer game my friends have gotten into. It�s one of those first-person shooter thingies, and you play it online with everyone else you know.

I am not someone who has ever been into first-person shooter. There are too many damn buttons. Give me one of those kung-fu fight games and I will vanquish you with my special moves, (learned entirely by rapidly pushing random buttons). Give me something like Gauntlet and I will rule it (by rapidly pushing the same buttons). Even race games I can manage (by scrunching my face and physically leaning the way I am trying to turn). But first-person? See, that involves knowing what each button actually does, and my girl-brain just does not understand how one can play a game with buttons that actually do specific things. However, because the game has become the controlling force in my friends� free time, I decided to try it out.

I spent most of yesterday evening training. I was having this discussion with the computer about how I was aiming at the exact same pixel as last time, and how was it that I was missing when it was a hit before? Also, the keyboard and I were going over the fine points of getting through the obstacle course when I was quite sure Alt+w was �run� and x was �lay down,� but really w meant �fall off the ladder� and the space bar meant something entirely random that I don�t remember anymore. I was going for politely persuasive, but I�ve been told that my use of language was, er, rather forceful.

But. I am now giving official notice that you better watch out. Hell hath no fury like what I�m going to do to this game, just as soon as I learn how to aim without falling over.

-stonebridge

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