06.15.2004 - 10:41 a.m.

My four paintball bruises are starting to yellow, but I'll have the scrapes from all the underbrush for a while yet. I like bruises; It is important never to go through life unscathed for too long. I like feeling my activity for days afterwards when I lean against a desk or stretch in the morning. For those days I can channel all my stray thoughts into the warm ache of healing.

I wish I could track other wounds that way, I wish I could watch the trained, desperate reactions to ex-boyfriends and failed friends and mothers fade from purple to blue to yellow peach. I wish I could tell how much time was left on each, how many blood vessels fed them, exactly which movements would press on how much pain. I wish I knew they'd someday disappear, leaving me good as new.

Also, while I'm at it, I wish wishing worked.

-stonebridge

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