11.17.2004 - 5:11 p.m.

The boyfriend called me from work today to ask me to print up some information on a job he's considering. He sounded so tired on the phone, although I can't say that's necessarily because of the job search. His current job sucks. He can't stay there. I fully support him in that.

But when he asked me to get the info, my stomach did one of those squirrely flopping things. I mean, it's a good job in a lot of ways. He'd make twice what either of us makes now, just for starting, and there'd be advancement, and he could play with motorcycles or dogs or what-have-you. However, he'd have a shitty schedule and possibly get shot at. I want him to find a job he can call a career, but I really, really don't want to be a cop's wife.

Is it dumb for me to feel so invested in his career, seeing as we are not in fact married, or even officially engaged? I feel like it should be. Hi, welcome to centered-on-me-world. I charge rent and existence tolls.

For example, I was relieved when I paged through the website and figured out that that particular job wasn't posted anymore. Because sometimes I get scared that he looks for these shit-scheduled, dangerous money jobs for me, because he wants to support me, and I know, this is dumb. He does it because he doesn't want to earn ten an hour for the rest of his life. So it's not about me.

Really, this entry is about grad school. My grad school. Which I don't want to go to, although until I do, my career has "dead end" written all over it. I have been putting off the applying since mid-2001. I mean, at least he is looking. I am sitting here with my thumb up my butt waiting for the angels on high to gift me a salary I could grow up on. In the higher education field. With only a pair of BAs to my name. Hah.

Also, Hershey's Kisses?
Are no good for lunch.
Talk about a sugar headache.

-stonebridge

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