09.12.2006 - 10:40 a.m.

My perverse insistence on impractical footwear has earned me matching blisters on my pinky toes. Also, I have a wedding to go to this Saturday. Note to self: Do not bleed all over your shoes. Or others', for that matter.

Further note to self: Find out how boys help themselves feel good, because whatever it is, it certainly does not leave them with miniature water balloons under their skin. Whatever it is, try that instead.

Also, so long as we're on the subject of stress-coping strategies that don't work, I'm fixing people again. I think I look for lost souls when I myself am the most lost; this is not good for either of us. I get sucked into a pit of despair, and the rope I'm offering is no good to pull them out. I try telling myself that the world has pain in it, and that not all of it is avoidable. I tell myself that I cannot save anyone, that everyone must ultimately save themselves, and that some people will choose not to.

I do not listen. I never have. I want so badly to hand out perfect, shiny lives to the people I care about, because if I can make someone else happy, then it matters less that I can't help myself. That's the worst part, that my altruism is selfish. With a side-helping of overweening pride.

Go me.

-stonebridge

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